Eating Dinner with my Ex In-Laws

My ex husbands Mother makes the most amazing and delicious Peruvian dishes.
I fell in love with her cooking almost as quickly as I did her son.
Ok, actually maybe my love for her cooking came first?

Milanesa's, Aticuchos, Ceviche.. homemade Salsa..
These meals she would teach me how to cook as my married years went on...

..... I haven't cooked those meals since the Divorce.

I don't know why, really.
I am sure there is some psychological reason, but in reality my biggest truth is I think cooking sucks.
Yet, I have eaten those dishes. My children have eaten those dishes. With her actually. I have sat at her table many a times since the divorce, and chowed down Peruvian Heaven. Actually, I do almost every time I visit up that way.

Some think it is strange, the relationship I have with her. The Mother to my ex husband. My "Ex Mother in Law". They think it odd I can sit in her home and eat like I am still her daughter in law... See..to me, I am. I didn't divorce her. I divorced her son. And, for whatever awesome reason.. she feels the same.

The great reality is she is My Children's "Mammacita", a name she prefers to Grandma.. as it makes her sound "old". She will always be. I am happy for that. While I can't cultivate and force a relationship with their Father (that's another blog post), I CAN support one from someone as willing and loving as their very own Mammacita. And, I do.  With or without food.

To all of you with ex in-laws, or soon to be ex in-laws.
I encourage you to try and look beyond the hurt, perhaps betrayal, and even the feeling of abandonment from your own in laws. Realize, that of course naturally, they will side with their own child.. most of the time. That for a bit they may distance themselves, or push you away. It's a survival thing. Its a parent thing. It is normal! You have to remember that. Even if it is unfair, or even wrong.

But more often than not, they WILL come around.. Or if it is YOU, you will come around.
When you are both ready, which I hope doesn't take long as these are precious Grand-parenting years.. SUPPORT that relationship.

You don't have to sit at their table and eat dinner, although I am telling you it a fantastic benefit,  just allow that relationship to rebuild. It is worth it. Your kids are worth it. I promise you.


Besides, someone has to teach your kids how to make the family recipe.


*The same love goes to Papacito. The quiet one.

****Below is the sweetest cutest text I received last night that inspired this little post.****

The Food Dude.

It's a Friday Night.

Here I sit. I have consumed 2 Snickers Ice Cream bars.. and am considering making a Quesadilla.
I ate Del Taco earlier, and I am on my 5th 44oz soda.
This is my life.

I do this. This self sabotaging, emotional eating, process addiction, binging thing. My whole life. Sometimes I have a firm grasp on it, and I can rule it with fierce intensity. Other times, I don't. Right now is one of those other times.

My weight goes up and down very similarly to the likes of Kirstie Alley. And like Kirstie, I can make you laugh about it.  From bubble butts to muffin tops, I have all the jokes.. and a bag of chips. I use them as my defense mechanism.. as if joking about it will give me forgiveness for being unhealthy. I also do it so that I KNOW, everyone knows, I am overweight.. again.

This fluctuation in weight. This rollercoaster. This demon I battle. Some attribute to yo-yo dieting, hormonal imbalance, a thyroid issue, poor genetics.. Me? I attribute it to my reality, and I honestly can say I hate all those other, as I see them, excuses. It's my choices that lead me here. Mine. I take all the credit.

Regardless..
I am tired.
Tired of almost obtaining my health goals... and then quickly finding myself overweight again. Tired of feeling amazing, and then letting go of that feeling. Tired of looking and feeling like that Hot Mom, to then looking like the cliche Mom that "let herself go".

I can hear some of you now.
You're wanting to lecture me about self worth, self talk, the example I am setting for my daughter, self esteem, the way God sees me, how you don't have to be fit to be loved, how I am fine just the way I am ..and more.. I hear it because I want to give myself the same lectures.. again. I hear it because I GIVE the same lectures.  If I happened upon this blog post I would be like, "Hey lady! Self Compassion... blah blah blah..". Trust me. I am a Psychology Major dedicating a whole year of my life and research to Self-Compassion. I would be all over myself.
I am all over myself.

Here is the crazy thing,
I know my worth. I know my self talk. I know the example I need to set for my daughter. I know God loves me deeply. I know I am lovable. I know I am fine. I know all this and that I am fun, witty, kind, and weird... and more.. I do!! But.. I also know I am overweight.

So, here I am. Being VULNERABLE.
Giving myself power.
Fighting this demon publicly.
Hoping you will support me.
And not lecture me.


Just remind me that an Ice Cream Snickers Bar doesn't fix ANY of the reasons and choices that brought me here. And that when I am fit.. I could kick your throat in.

                     (me when i was in control, in the middle with my besties 2012)


More Posts on my progress of Fighting, what I call the demon Food Dude to come.